I Make Mud Look Like Gold

Why can’t I ever do anything right???
Why must I always be such a fuck up?!
Why can’t I just be happy, I don’t want to cry and sob and feel depressed
I don’t want to…no…
But what am I supposed to do??
I can’t make you happy, I always ruin everything
You deserve someone better than me, but I can’t….I can’t lose you. I don’t want to, I NEED you. You’re the only thing that keeps me from completely falling apart.
It’s not fair, you didn’t get in a relationship to be a psychiatrist, you saw a happy, wonderful girl but now you have a sad, pathetic good for nothing nobody.
You should leave…but I can’t survive without you….
I hate myself. I fucking hate myself so much.
I want to hurt myself, I want to beat myself down completely, I want to make myself feel like I’m lower than the filth that roaches crawl about in sewers.
I make mud look like gold.